


She Puts the Color Inside Of My World

by LeighKelly



Series: Annie-verse [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Family, Mother's Day, Motherhood, Santana's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:49:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeighKelly/pseuds/LeighKelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Brittany and Santana celebrate their first real Mother's Day with little Annie and their own mothers, they consider the past, the present and the future of their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Puts the Color Inside Of My World

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place just before the end of Finding the Way Back, May 2020, only a few days after the trial verdict is read.

It had only been two days since the verdict had been read, but somehow, standing over my daughter's crib, watching her in the last moments of sleep felt different to me, felt more like I was watching her as simply her  _mother,_ not as a feral beast, sitting on my haunches, poised for a threat. My beautiful, sweet, angel of a child felt, in my heart, safer than she'd ever felt, because the greatest threat that hung over  _me,_ her mother, who needed to protect her, had been removed with seven simple words uttered by a man in a black robe holding a gavel, locking the monster of my nightmares away. My little girl was a huge part of the reason why I'd even  _been able_ to bring myself to help make that happen in the first place, and my girl and her Mama were the ones who brought just a little brightness and color into the darkest, bleakest hours of my life. It was time for new beginnings, it was what Brittany and I had promised each other with urgent kisses on each others lips in the back hallway of some restaurant where we were supposed to be commemorating that very thing, the restaurant where there were daffodils on the table from my mother-in-law, holding the same symbolic meaning. Given those circumstances, it seemed fitting that my wife and I were celebrating this holiday for the first time, a holiday that, considering the deep, heart-twisting love and devotion that both of us felt for the tiny blonde infant that snuffled and rolled around before me, could end up meaning more to us than all the Christmases and birthdays combined.

Leaning my chin on the edge of her crib, I just stared, Annalise's eyes occasionally fluttering ever so slightly, her right foot resting on the white and silver unicorn (whom Brittany had named Milky Way when  _she_ was a tiny little wisp of a person) and the opposite hand wrapped around one of the slats that kept her safely contained inside. Sometimes I felt like it was all a dream, calling that sweet baby mine, getting to love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person, like I didn't understand how I could ever deserve something just made up entirely of innocence and beauty, but then she'd smile up at me, and I'd remember that in her eyes,  _I_  was special and wonderful too. Slowly, I watched her break the threshold of consciousness, her fist unfurling and moving across her eyes, until even in the low light of the early morning, bright blue stared up at me, and a sleepy smile came across her precious round face.

"Good morning,  _dormil_ _ó_ _n._ " I cooed down at her, and her tiny arms reached up for me, waiting for me to lift her into mine.

"Ma. Mi!" She insisted, kicking her feet against the mattress and laughing. I leaned over, lifting her first high into the air, and then bringing her down so she was level with my face and I could and could give her good morning kisses all over hers. "''sss! 'sss!"

"That's right,  _mija._ So many kisses for you, and let's go see someone  _else_ who needs lots of kisses. Time to wake up Mama for your breakfast."

Carrying Annie with me into the bedroom, I smiled at Brittany, still all tangled up in the sheets, one hand draped across her eyes, exactly how Annie had been sleeping just a few moments earlier, involuntarily shielding her face from the early morning light that managed to sneak through the shades. Sitting down beside my wife, a loud giggle pealed from Annie's lips as I held her close to Britt's face, and she pressed her mouth against it, giving her Mama wet sloppy kisses. Before Brittany's eyes even opened, she smiled, and quickly, I kissed her lips, humming contentment against them.

"Ma! Ma!" Annie kept kissing her, and Brittany quickly pushed herself up so she was sitting against the headboard, before holding out her arms for the baby.

"Kisses from my two favorite girls?  _Best_ kind of morning." She sighed happily, and I swung my legs up on the bed, cuddling into her side. "I hope you wished your Mamí a happy Mother's Day, sweetheart."

"Oh don't worry, she has."

"Well good, then now it's my turn. Happy Mother's Day to you, other mother of my daughter, love of my life, most awesomest person I've ever known."

"Brittany." I blushed, feeling my eyelashes flutter a little at how much her words always meant to me. We both looked down at Annie, who'd begun to nurse, like Britt was still letting her do first thing in the morning and right before bed, and I could see the wistful look that I knew was on my face mirrored on Brittany's. She was so close to weaned, our baby girl, she was growing so quickly, and the days of the three of us and our moments like that were coming to an end. Shaking away the thoughts, because there would be so many  _other_ special moments for us to share, I looked up from Annalise and into Brittany's sparkling eyes. "Happy  _first_ Mother's Day to you too. You know  _our_ mothers are going to be over the top today, right?"

"Tell me, San-" Brittany laughed, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "Exactly how is that different from any  _other_ day with them? And you don't have to hide the fact from me that you secretly love it."

"I do." I told her seriously. "This is the first year that I really feel like I have my mom back, I guess, I'm just, I'm really happy today, even though it's been a rough few months."

"I know, honey." She grabbed my hand, squeezed it, and then brought the inside of my wrist to her lips. "You deserve it, so much. We  _all_ kind of deserve it, I think. A day where we can be silly with our daughter, and our moms can introduce her to the entire waitstaff of the restaurant, and probably every single person we pass on the street, and we can just laugh, because we  _need_ it."

"Oh trust me, baby. I agree with you one-hundred percent."

The best thing about waking so early with an infant is that the whole world still slept around us, and we could spend lazy hours in bed with our daughter, singing, laughing, blowing raspberries on her chubby baby belly, and really, more than anything, just marveling at the closest thing to perfection in human form. Eventually, we dragged ourselves up, taking our time dressing, getting Annie into a little lavender sundress and a ruffled diaper cover, clipping her too-long bangs out of her eyes (because even though she probably needed it, we weren't ready to cut her hair just yet). Once we were dressed and ready, Brittany fastened the baby into the carrier, facing her out, so she could see the world, and took my hand, squeezing silent  _I love you's_ into it as we took our slow walk up toward Ktchn, where our parents and Lizzie were waiting for us.

"There you are!" Susan jumped up out of her seat, the instant we approached the table, and I rolled my eyes, just barely, when Mamí followed suit and almost knocked hers over.

"Hey, it's only five after eleven, by my standards, we're early." I laughed, taking my turn hugging my mother and my mother-in-law, wishing them a happy Mother's Day, and handing over our cards and flowers while Britt unbuckled the baby. Susan had her hands ready to take her first, and Annie giggled, tapping repeatedly at her Grammy's nose, as her  _Abuela_ tickled her bare feet.

"I don't know what Annie's going to do when you go back to Lima tomorrow, she's going to miss being spoiled rotten." Brittany teased, taking her seat and pulling out Annie's Cheerios from her bag.

"We'll spoil her by mail, of course." My mother laughed. "She's our only grandchild...for now."

"And, here we go." Lizzie snickered, twisting her bare wrist so it looked like she was checking her watch. "Seven minutes on a holiday without someone mentioning more babies, it's a new record. Come here, Annalise, come away from the crazies."

"Liz." Brittany shot a look at her sister. "Don't call Mom and Mari crazy in front of the baby. At  _least_ wait until she isn't in the room."

"I resent that, Brittany Sue. We're just curious, and we want you to know that we'll always be here to help with whatever you need."

"Including financially. We still have your wedding fund, Santanita, and it's yours for the taking." I was surprised that my  _father_ was joining in on the coaxing that usually just came from the two women.

"So do we." Stephen piped up, and I felt my heart start to race a little, and Brittany's fingers closed around mine, squeezing them tightly to calm me down.

"While it's generous for you to offer to...um, pay for our future baby?" Brittany screwed up her face and shook her head a little at them. " _When_ we are ready, we've got good insurance, and honestly, it's not something we want to talk about right now. So let's change the subject, okay?"

"Thank you." I whispered in her ear, and she brushed her lips over my cheek as I sat beside her, the two of us right in between our mothers. "So  _mija,_ what do you say we show everyone your brand new word?"

"She has  _another_ new word? But she  _just_ said  _Mam_ _í_  for the first time on Friday!"

"Our daughter is a genius, Maribel, what do you expect?" Britt laughed, leaning over towards where Annie sat on Susan's lap. "Annie, sweetheart, come here and give me a  _kiss."_

"'Sss! 'Sss! 'Sss!" Annie cried out, and touched her Mama's cheek before kissing it several times. "Ma! Ma!"

"That's right, baby girl!" Brittany cheered, taking Annie from her mother as both older women burst into tears and Stephen lifted the video camera from where it sat on the table. "Now Mamí's turn."

"Ma! Mi! 'Sss!" She giggled furiously as she kissed me over and over again, and I opened my arms for her, hugging her little body tight to my chest.

"Saving the day for me again,  _mi amor._ Thank you."

Annie, of course, made her rounds, kissing everyone at the table, before we ordered food, and sat around talking nonsense. I was quiet mostly, glad when my daughter was back in my lap, after I'd had to forcibly remove her from my mother, who  _insisted_ on giving her pieces of a blueberry muffin, despite my concerns about the amount of sugar in it. It was still sort of a lot for me to take, being in normal social situations, even though I'd gotten exponentially better in the previous year, so I preferred, more often than not, to just take it all in. The weight of Brittany's left hand on my knee, the occasional drop of Annie's tiny fists against my things, and the blended voices of the people I loved the most was good for me, made me feel all kinds of warm inside, in the best possible way.

Once brunch was over, we'd decided to put our rare trek to midtown (because seriously, I'd rather be anywhere  _but)_ , and take Annie on her first Ferris wheel ride at the big Toys R Us. As was pretty typical of going  _anywhere_ with my parents and my in-laws, we'd barely walked into the store before they'd loaded up their arms with an obscene amount of toys for the baby. Rather than fight them, because it  _was_ Mother's Day, and their first as grandmothers, Brittany and I just laughed off their absurdity and took the tickets for the Ferris wheel that my father held out to us.

" _Mija._ " My mother pulled me off to the side, while we stood somewhere in the middle of the long line. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, and I was pretty sure what she was going to bring up before she actually spoke. "I'm sorry if we upset you earlier with all the talk of another baby. I know you've just gone through a lot, and it wasn't right for us to tease you like that."

" _Esta bien, Mam_ _í_ _._ " I reassured her in soft Spanish, letting her take my hands. "I'm just not ready to talk about it yet, okay? Especially because  _Brittany_ and I haven't, and it's only been two days since I've felt like I can even begin to imagine the rest of my life."

"I understand that _,_ and you know I just want you to be happy, no matter what."

"I do." I nodded. "And I am. As shitty as the rest of it was, this past year gave me the two best things in the world, and I'm ready for this amazing future with them."

"You're a wonderful mother, my Santana. You and Brittany both are, but you're my daughter, so I'm incredibly proud of  _you_ for that. I know that I wasn't always the best for you,  _mi amor,_ but I'm glad for a second chance with you, and I'm glad that you've become who you are in spite of that."

"Mamí." I sighed. "We've talked about this. You did what you had to do to get by, I understand that better than anyone. And now we've got the rest of our lives to make up for it, right?"

" _Ni_ _ñ_ _a_ , you've gotten so wise.  _Te amo mucho."_

"I love you too." I wrapped my arms around my mother and sank into her embrace. "Now c'mon, let's go see my daughter go on the first ride of her entire life."

"You going to be okay up there?"

"I'll live." I shrugged off my fear of heights. "I mean, it's not  _that_ high, right?"

Re-joining Brittany on the line, she wrapped an arm around my waist and I dropped my head to her shoulder, rubbing noses with Annie who had her tiny blonde head resting against her Mama's chest.

"I'm so excited I get to be here for this!" Lizzie chirped. "I feel like I miss her first  _everything!"_

"No one told you to move to California, squirt." I teased. "There are  _plenty_ of good schools here in New York that you could have come to, and you would have made your mother  _and_ mine extremely jealous when you got to witness things before them."

"Yeah, maybe it's better that I'm  _not_ here. I'd never hear the end of it."

"Are you coming up with us?" Britt asked, and Liz nodded vigorously.

"You know I love the Ferris wheel even more than you do, Britt. Aunt Liz will show you how it's done, Annie."

Our parents chose to stay on the ground with their cameras poised to take a million pictures, while we climbed into the seats. Brittany's held me close to her, once we were strapped ourselves in with Annie on her lap, and Lizzie grinning across from us beside a life sized ET figurine, snapping away with her phone. I felt my heart race a little bit, the moment my stomach dropped with the first lift, but what  _none_ of us had expected was the terrified shriek that came from Annie's throat as she frantically wriggled in Britt's lap.

"No! No! No! No!" She screamed, and I instantly panicked.

"Shhh, shhh, Annie, sweetheart, it's okay, we're right here." Brittany cooed softly, and I shifted my body to get as close to her as possible while big tears formed in her eyes.

"Annalise, look at me, you're safe  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ me and Mama both have you. I know it feels funny in your belly, but look, we can see Grammy, Poppy,  _Abuela_ and  _Abuelo._ You're alright." I soothed, and she just screamed louder, clinging with both hands to the front of my dress like her life depended on it.

"Look at Mamí, baby girl, she's going to sing to you."

With my body twisted into the most ridiculous position, and Annie basically sandwiched between me and Brittany, I tried every single song that she usually loved (while Brittany continued whispering _it's almost done, sweetheart_ ) , to absolutely no avail. Her screams only got louder, as my chest tightened painfully, and I felt Brittany's tears splash against the side of my face. Frantically grabbing for Milky Way from Brittany's purse, I pressed him to Annie's chest, and though she clutched him against her, she couldn't calm herself. We'd seen her get hysterical before, but it never got any less terrifying for us, and every time, it seemed worse than the last, even if it was truly exactly the same. All in all, the ride lasted only seven minutes, but I swear, it felt like days, watching the horrified fight on my daughter's little body, and felt the way she clung helplessly to my body. When it was finally over, I undid the buckles on both Britt and my waists, and ignored everyone else around us as lay my hand against Brittany's lower back and led her into the singular handicapped bathroom where I'd changed Annie's diaper earlier. She needed to be away from everything, the overstimulation of the giant toy store (and even of our families trying to help comfort her) would have been too much, we'd learned that from experience, and the quiet, with just her moms, would help settle her.

"It's all over, sweet baby, you're okay now." Brittany whispered, trying to hide her desperation as she cradled's face against her neck. "We know you were scared, but you're alright."

"No! No! Ma!" She cried brokenly, and I tried to swallow the massive lump in my throat.

We took turns holding her and pacing the bathroom floor, trying to give her water from a cup that wound up flung across the room by the brute force only possible from a highly emotional infant, trying everything we could think of to relax her, until finally, Brittany had enough and yanked down the shoulder of her dress and held the baby against her, letting her nurse. In the process of weaning, she'd really tried to restrain from using milk for comfort, so as she slumped against my body, more tears fell from her eyes.

"I had to, Santana." She told me simply, and I leaned down to kiss her temple, letting my lips linger there as I watched the baby still whimper and hiccup against Britt, trying so hard to calm down.

"Brittany, baby, you don't have to explain yourself. I would have done exact the same thing. You know Dr. Kellen told us to do this at whatever pace works for us, for Annie, and considering  _everything_ we've been dealing with, I can't believe you've been able to stick to it as much as you have. And she needs it right now. Please don't feel bad about that."

"I just didn't realize that would upset her so much." She sighed deeply while I wiped the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead. "I guess you felt the butterflies in your tummy, huh Little Bean?"

"I don't like them so much either,  _beb_ _é_ _._ " I kissed the top of her tiny head, and let one hand fall to rest on her back. "Next time, we'll watch Mama and Aunt Lizzie from the ground."

"Next time, I think we'll just skip it all together." Britt let a small smile turn up one side of her mouth. "We'll go to the park instead, we know we like it there."

"Let's see how she's feeling in a little while, maybe we can still make that happen today. Are  _you_  alright, Britt?"

"A little better now." She nodded slowly. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I guess we just need to get used to how long it takes for kids to get used to new things. Neither of us have spent enough time around any to know that."

"You're teaching us a lot, Annalise, and we  _definitely_ still have a lot to learn from you."

"Do you think every shopper in this store thinks we're terrible moms? I mean...I know that we're not, and I shouldn't even care..."

"I  _highly_ doubt it." Brittany laughed a little bit. "I mean, they're all parents, I'm  _sure_ they've had moments where nothing they did could make their kid feel better. And if they do, we'll just pull a Susan Pierce and kick our shoes off at them."

"Your  _mother_ kicked her shoes off at a person?" My jaw dropped in disbelief.

"I swear. Don't you remember how difficult my sister was? My mom was at the end of her rope  _all_ the time, and one day, Liz ran away from her, and she grabbed her by the back of her overalls and threw her in the cart. Some woman made a comment, and my mom kicked her shoes right off, told her to walk a mile in them, and if she came back and still thought she could do better, then she was welcome to try."

"Oh my  _God!_ I always remember your mom being so together when we were younger, I can't believe that happened!"

"No parent is perfect, and no one else has any right to judge. But you weren't naughty like your aunt, were you sweetheart? Just a little scared." Britt smiled down at Annie, with her little red face just resting against her chest.

"You look like you're feeling better now,  _mi amor._ Do you want a snuggle from me before we go back outside?"

"'Sss. Ma. Mi." She sniffled a little, and I gathered her up and let my lips press against her forehead, wanting nothing more than to see her smile.

After a little while longer of making sure Annie was fully ready, we went back out to our families, who were paying and setting up delivery to our apartment for the wholly unnecessary number of toys that they bought. Watching us approach them, even our typically invasive mothers spoke softly, seeing Annie snuggled against my neck contentedly and her little hand wrapped up in my hair. She smiled a little at them, but remained subdued, and Brittany and I both sort of shifted our weight between feet, anxious to get her out of there and into the fresh air. Once we were back outside and away from the ridiculousness of Times Square, Annie definitely brightened up. We walked back to the hotel with everyone, where they were checking out and heading back to Lima after the  _months_ they'd been in New York to support us, and I found myself sort of weeping openly as it came time to say goodbye. Once Britt and I collected ourselves, we had a silent conversation and made the decision to take the baby to Madison Square Park and breathe in a little more of that fresh spring air before having to return home and get ready to resume our regularly scheduled lives in the morning.

"Look,  _mija!_ _"_ I pointed over to the shaggy haired guitarist sitting on the bench beside the fountain. "Our friend is here today!"

'Hey there, pretty baby and her pretty mamas!" He called back to us, waving a guitar pick in our direction. "Long time no see, happy Mother's Day to you both! You going to dance for us today, Little Miss?"

"Doesn't she always?" Britt grinned, waving Annie's little hand in his direction, while the baby looked away from him shyly.

I sat down on the bench with the camera while Brittany danced to the music, holding the baby in her arms, occasionally dipping her low and causing riotous giggles to erupt from her chest. My heart swelled painfully again watching them, but for an entirely different reason than it had earlier in the day. Shooting a smile in my direction, Brittany held out a hand for me, asking me to come and dance with them. Taking a deep breath, because I was still getting used to that feeling of  _happy,_ I tossed the camera back in the diaper bag and left it on the bench. I hopped up quickly up to join the two people I loved most in the world, wrapping my arms around Brittany's neck and touching my forehead to hers, we danced, holding the baby between us. When I heard the song change, I smiled, and looked into my wife's eyes, catching her lips with mine, and breathing our moment in.

_Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers_

_So mothers be good to your daughters too._

"I love you both, my girls." Brittany whispered, her breath tickling my face, and I could do nothing else but nod, my throat thick with emotion.

Much later, after we'd ordered takeout for dinner and done our long nightly ritual with Annie, Britt and I were on the couch flipping through the television channels. Her feet were up on the coffee table, and my head was in her lap, her fingers absently running through my hair. Biting my bottom lip, I thought about earlier in the day, the conversation with our parents at brunch, and I turned my head so I was looking up at Brittany.

"Hey Britt?"

"Hey San." She teased a little, and then her face turned serious as she looked at my face. "What's up?"

"I just…I was thinking about what happened this morning with our parents."

"Santana." Her hand found mine and she squeezed it tightly. "They're over the top, I know we're not ready to even think about this any time soon."

"No, I know. I mean, I'm obviously  _not_ ready for us to have another baby right now, but it doesn't mean I don't think about it. I know that I've  _just_ been given back control of my life, and I've still got a lot I need to deal with. But don't know, I just wanted you to know that I  _do_ want another one, eventually, and I want to be the one to carry for us next time."

"Oh, honey." Tears sparkled in Brittany's eyes. "When that day comes, it'll make me happier than anything in the world."

"Really?"

"Of  _course._ _"_

"I'm really happy about that. It could be a while, Britt. I want to make sure I'm emotionally stable, and I'm off my medication, and-" Brittany leaned down and quickly cut me off with a deep kiss, laughing against my lips.

"We're twenty-five, don't worry, we've got all the time in the world. But I'm really, really happy that tomorrow, you'll get to go back to real life, and you'll finally be free to let the rest of your healing begin, both for you,  _and_ for some baby in the far off future."

"The idea of a baby is a good motivator." I told her quietly. "I mean, the one we already  _have_ has been the best kind for me."

"You're an incredible mom, Santana Lopez-Pierce, getting better for yourself, for our daughter, for our unknown child in the future. I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks, Britt. You are too, you know, the best. And there's no one else in the world who I'd want to be sharing a Mother's Day with."

"Oh, I agree with you on that, one hundred percent."

 


End file.
